Not This Year...

As spring time keeps getting closer I am reminded that this is the spring that I will not be playing my senior year of softball. Through all of this I can say the only thing about this that makes me happy is knowing that I am done with school and start moving on in life. This is a wonderful thing yes, but I know that it would never compare to that of a Senior year softball season.

The last three seasons were great, between the memories, the losses and even a win every now and again. Much time was spent in the gym and on the field, with the girls that made up the team. Through those three years we all became like a family. Although every year the family would change a little, we always had a few rough patches but we always knew come game time we were all there for the same thing. The love that all of us had for that one special game, Softball.

I know I am not part of the team this year but there is nothing that I will miss more than this precious time that I so wish I could be out on that field. I hope that the girls this year put in their all like always and show its about the love of the sport not just about winning. I do hope that maybe this season will be a little better than the last few.

~There will always be that one thing no matter how old you become that will always have a special place in your heart no matter where your life takes you and how long its been~

Going Out With A Bang

Thoughout life I have always been the one who never liked following directions, or doing the same thing as others. I always wanted to be different, stand out from the crowd. During my highschool years and now.

During my freshman year, I knew that I wanted to make a stand to be remembered after I left. I was not sure how I was going to do this, or even if my hopes where to high. The biggest challange that I faced was the fack that I did not know anyone since I had just changed schools. Still I was determaned to not let this stop me.

As freshman year can to an end I had started to grow closer to some of the girls in my class and a few others. By the time Sophmore year began many of us became very close. The more and more time passed the closer we all became. Through the fights, fun, and countless memories that had been already made we all knew that we would be one group that would be going out with a bang.

Sophmore year seemed to fly by and the next thing we all knew it was Junior year. More memories where made and more fights where fought. But through it all we knew who we could count on and trust in the end. Through these three years I had some of the best times of my life and I would not change a thing about it.

Although I did not spend my Senior year with these girls I know that we still have a bond that has not changed. I know that those that I did spend my Senior year with good memories were made also and friendships were made stronger and new ones were also made.

I am still going through life with the plan of being someone people will always remember. I am now just trying to find a way that works through it all, but I know that I will find a way one of these days.

Trust But Always Be Careful

There comes a moment in time where you reality truly sets in and you accept the fact that those whom you thought would always be in your life are no longer there, or not as often. When I first started to accept this It was one of the hardest things I had done. I did not want to admit that when I was making friends I had not found people that would stick by my side through thick and thin. I did not want to admit that I had let my guard down and did notice until it was to late.

As time passed I started to accept things more and started to see these things as a learning lesson and to help me through the rest of my life when it comes to deciding who I am willing to let in. I have learned that although someone seems to be nice and caring, and see as if they want to see you happy that is not always the truth. Now I am not saying that everyone is like this or that this is everyone's deep dark plan. What I am really saying is that before you put our self out there for others do it carefully and don't give others the ability to knock you down and ruin you before you truly see who they are as a person.

Things Never Stay the Same

As more and more time passes I am left with the realization that no matter what I do to try and keep things the same to do that is out of my reach and control. No matter how hard one tries you keeping things from changing is not realistic.

Though out my life I have always been trying to keep everything from changing. My friends, family, jobs, my opinion, decisions, anything. I have always known in the back of my mind that these were not things that I could control by any means. By the time that I have accepted the fact that not everything was in my hands and that I had to just take things day by day is when my life started to become more and more easier.

Don't get me wrong I still have my days that I seem to forget this but I always seem to find something or some one that brings me back to reality.

I know this is not the best or even something that you may care about or want to hear but this is something that I feel that maybe by putting it out there for others that I may be able to help maybe even just one person realize this too, and maybe it will help to make their lives a little less stressful also.

Think What You Will But It's My Choice

In about three hours I will again be getting something that will change not only my life but also my fathers. For some what I am getting done may seen obscene and not okay, but to me none of that matters. To me the only thing that matters is that I will have something that I will be able to show everyone how much my father really truly means to me.

You may be asking yourself at this point what is she getting done. I am getting a tattoo that will represent how much my dad has meant and will always mean to me.

I know what many are thinking. "Why do you want to get something that in 20 years you will regret?" "Do you really think that would make your father happy?" "How could you be doing something so stupid?"

But one thing that you have to realize is that things in my family are not what many would say that of a normal family. My parents see nothing wrong with tattoos and they see it as a personal choice. I also see it this way and also as a way of expressing what is important and meaningful to oneself.

My first tattoo that I got about 6 months ago is one that will always remind me of what is truly important but also that my mom will always be there by my side when things get to a point where i need someone else to lean on. 

So yes say what you would like. Tell me I am making a bad choice and that there are other ways of expressing myself. But no matter what anyone tells me it will not change my mind. I am doing this for me and as long as it makes me happy that is all that matters.

So go ahead tell others what you want and think what you like of me, but I know that in the end what others think is not what is truly important but what I think of myself is. And those that truly love me will be by my side even if they believe that I am making the wrong decision and will be there for me when I fall to lift me up and help me find the right way.

Tuesday March 19, 2013 3:30 P.M.

As of tomorrow at 3:30 P.M. I will be in the process of getting my second tattoo done. I have always wanted a tattoo and after my first one I decided that I wanted one that would mean alto to me, and also be able to show everyone that would see them know that these things really truly mean the world to me.

I had gotten my first tattoo a few days after my 18th birthday, and I had decided that I was going to have it done on my right side along my ribs. For this tattoo part of it will be on my collarbone and the other part with be wrapped around my shoulder on to my shoulder blade. This will also all be taking place on my left shoulder.

So in less than 24 hours I will be once again be freshly inked. And I can not wait.

Everyone knows the difference between right and wrong. I to know the difference, for my parents taught me very well. As some may already know there comes a time when you break those boundaries. For me that seens to have taken place in the last year or so.

Of course it could not be something simple it had to be complicated. It just had to be something that involved me but others too. When things first started I told myself that this was just a momentary thing, but things changed. I told myself that I would not let my feeling get involved, and well again as you can probably guess things again changed. By no means did I ever imagin this happening or plan it to happen, but like people always say "everything happens for a reason." It is just that I am still searching for the reason why.

I have been trying to find a way to fix things or maybe change them with out making things to weird. I have not had any luck with this yet. I am hoping that maybe one day I will just wake up and have an answer to this question, therefor also giving me a way to deal with the whole situation. I am also hoping that that one day comes soon, before someone ends up getting hurt because of the whole thing.

“Everything happens for a reason. Every action has a reaction. Always remember that whats meant to be will always find a way to come about.”

This Time It Will Be Different

Keep an open mind. Just breath. Don't over think. Remember its not the end of the world. This is God's plan, its all in his hands. This is just God's way of put you back where you belong.

These are the things that I keep telling myself. It's not that I don't know these things, its just that when you think you know where your life is going all it takes is one little thing to change all the plans you thought were perfect to change.

This is what I have learned not for the first time but once again. It is not that my life is over or that I the opportunity won't come around again, just that right now was not the right time for it to happen. For me it just so happens that it is happening with my college plans. I know that there are other options that are just as good, but I got to the point where I thought I could not fail. Where everything was in my hands.

I am starting to see not getting into my number one college choice as God's way of reminding me that things are not in my hands they are in his. That what I thought was where my life was going is not where he wanted it to go, or at least not yet.

So just remember, everything is in his hands anew if you should forget that he will always find a way to remind you, letting it be a way that makes you happy or maybe even extremely upset.

He is good. He is great. He is the one in control.

Month One - Post High School

Since September my life seemed to just be passing just like any other high schoolers that was until January. Everyday seemed to be the exact same.

A Typical Day

• 6:30 A.M. - Wake up for school
• 7:55 A.M. - School starts
• 2:10 P.M. - Done with school
• 2:30 P.M. - Start homework
• 5:00 P.M. - Go to work
• 9:00 P.M. - Get home from work
• 11:00 P.M. - Go to bed

I had the normal thought anyone would have. Is my life ever going to change. I could not wait to be don with school, knowing that I was going to be done early. Well when the day came that I was no longer in high school it was just like everyone hopes it feels like. I had an overwelling feeling of joy and excitement. The first few days were some of the best, I didn't have to get up for school, I didn't have to go to work. I had no work because my place of employment closed about a week before I was done with school.

Now don't get me wrong I was happy to not have anything going on but at the same time after a few days I had no idea of what to do with myself. I no longer wanted to be sitting at home all the time so I let the search for a new job begin. It has been just over a month now that I have graduated and I have found a job and should be starting soon. As far a college goes that is for another day, but as I figure out the how the life of a high school graduate I will try to keep up to date.

Lessons Learned

There is not a day that passes that I do not listen to at least one song. There is that one song that always just seems to speak to you and every word seems it was written just for your life. I have been thinking about this the last few days, there have been a few songs that I feel fit this for me but there has always been one that has stood out to me.

Lessons Learned By: Carrie Underwood.

I believe that this song explains everything from the last days of eighth grade, to freshman year through junior year, to senior year, and even through graduation. From first loves to broken hearts, goals and dreams to how to reach those goals and dreams. Not only does it seem to say everything I wish I could say but everything that I didn't know how to take in and explain.

Who knew that within only about four minutes everything from the last few years would seem to just be put into the words that you wish you could just say but don't know how, is already out there just waiting for you to discover it.