One Of Those Days

So today has been one of those days that no matter what I seem to do something is always going wrong. It either being upsetting someone, or something that went wrong is my fault even if I was not around or had nothing to do with it. Although I know that it will pass just like every other time it just does not seem to be a day that will be ending fast enough.

Although there were many good things that I did today everything seemed to be out weighed by double the bad. I have tried to keep my head up the best that I could today and not let the little things bother me it has come to that time of the day that it does not seem to matter. I have reached my breaking point for today and I just feel like sitting in a corner and crying.

As much as I know this is not the answer I feel just like any other time that it is the only way I personally will feel better. Knowing that as soon as I go to bed and wake up in the morning tomorrow will be a better day, I am just not ready for bed yet.

Today has just been one of those days that I wish I could just pack everything I have and move and start new. But I know if I did that I would just end up in an unfamiliar place facing new problems and challenges that would make me wish I would have just stayed.

~For every bad today that you face there will always be a better tomorrow~

The Wonders Of Music

I am sure that we have all at one time or another come across a song that sums up our life at that time better than any words we ever could. For me I feel this happens quite often because to start with I am not very good with words to begin with. So over the last four years I have really started to turn to music to help me find the words that I need oh so much at that time. Not always does it help but most of the time it does.

I personally feel that I always seem to come across these songs when I least expect it, or even when I don't realize that I am looking for one. Again this is how it happened this last time which was less than a week ago. It was about 12:30 AM while I was in my car on my way home. It was one of those nights that there seem to be nothing but talking on the radio, so just like any other time this happens I started playing my music. But although there was only music nothing seemed to be what I wanted to listen to, so I just kept changing the song to hopefully fine one before I reached home. At the first stop light I came to it was red, and at the same time a song started that I didn't remember having or ever heard before. So as I listen every word that came out of the speakers struck me like it was everything that I have been trying to figure out a way to say.

I know that many times it is only one song but for me this time it was two and it was right in a row.

These two songs seemed to change my night and next few days around.

I know you may be asking what the songs were:

She Don't Love Me - Blake Shelton

and

Sinners Like Me - Eric Church

I know they may seem like weird songs but the first one is everything that I someday hope will be between my ex and me. As far as the second one goes I'm not sure why but I just can't seem to not listen to it after.

~Not only does she not love me she don't hate me anymore~

~I come from a long line of sinners like me~

It Feels Unreal

So over the last few months I have been trying to plan a trip to India, and slowly it was all coming in to view but as of today everything is all set.

This is the list of things that needed to be done first:

• Talk to mom and dad about it
• Find a way to pay for the trip
• Get my passport
• Get a visa
• Talk to work to make sure I could get off for about three weeks
• Pick the dates
• Book the tickets
• Inform mom and dad and of course work too when I was going

Although the list is not long there is still a lot of time that has to go in to each thing. But all that time has been taken and everything is set. The feeling that this would never really happen is gone and is now replaced with one that feels so unreal and amazing.

I have never been this excited in my life, or at least that I can remember.

So as of July 9th I will be in India until July 24th.

~Although many things in life will seem impossible never let the thought of failing keep you from the great things you will do~

Where Does The Time Go?

In the last few months things have gone from crazy to calm to just a full out storm, and back again. Although many of these events that have come up have been minor, or even for the better it is still stressful and even sometimes overwhelming.

One event that took place in this time was graduation. Although I had finished school and technically "graduated" in January of this year I had decided to take part in the ceremony at the end of the year. Going back was nice getting to see everyone again and wish them luck on what ever was to come their way next. But like always there were things leading up to this day that made this day seem like it was just going to be a nightmare. Just a few of those would be picking up my cap and gown since they were handed out during the school day, reserving tickets, not receiving the correct tickets, planning who was going to come, and helping friends find extra tickets. In the end yes it was all worth it but until them I kept wondering if it was all going to pay off.

Another event was getting signed up for college classes. The hoops that the school makes you jump through are just crazy, and make you ask "what is the point of all this?" in the end I got all my classes set and even picked the days and times for my classes. One thing that I did not know that would come along with it until classes were started was that of getting my insurance all set so they to also know that I am a full time student still. This was just more headaches than I believe it should have been, but only time will tell if it has all been worth it.

A third event that took place was getting things settled in at work. Although everyday is doing the same thing, the pace is never the same. In the last few weeks thing have started to become regular as far as when I have been working and how many hours a week I am working. Although for now everything is good things are about to change and this change could go either good or bad, along with that when school gets started things will again change.

A forth and final large event that has happened and still in progress is the planing of my trip to India. The first part of this was figuring out how I was going to be able to pull it off with the cost of a trip like this, work, and making sure that mom and dad were okay with the whole thing. Yes, some may say that this is a once in a life time chance, but what they do not know is all the little details. Of course it is a trip with much to see and a lot to learn, but that is not the only reason for the trip either. The family that I have nannied for over the last two years are helping me pay and also their family is letting me stay with them so that always is nice when it comes to looking at the cost. One thing that I had to get done before I can pick dates was that I had to get my visa, which took about two weeks all in all. Although my parents were okay with me going they still had their questions and also had a right to know that part of the reason of me taking this trip had changed. Yes their questions did get answered and so did some of the new ones that came up after finding out the extra reason for making the trip now and not later. I am sure you are also wondering. Well the main reason I am looking to go now and not later is because a cousin, of the father of the family that I nanny for, and I have been talking for a while now and we both would very much like to meet, and see where thing would go from there. And with all of this the only part that is left is to find dates that work for their family and also for me, and then it is off I go to India.

So I know what you are thinking why does it matter that us meeting happens now or later, it is the fact that many parents want their children married at a certain age so that they to can have a family and enjoy life happy with someone they love. And well it just so happens that he is reaching that age and I too also would very much love to find the one that I will spend the rest of my life with, say what you will about not knowing what I want because I am to young but I do not think that is true, I don't think that there is a right age I think it is different for each of us. 

So yes these events have not been bad at all they still have made my life crazy with spurts of calm but in the end just like any other time something or things happens in your life you are always left with the same question in the end. "Where has time gone?" I neither have an answer for you but I do know that the more you enjoy the little moments the more you will want to celebrate the huge moments.

~Take everyday for what it is worth and never overlook any of the little things for those may be the things that make the big things all worth it in the end.~