Time Flies

With in the last few months I have realized that by the time I get done with school in January, my life is really going to start. By this I mean that I will be in college while the rest of the people that I went to high school withbwill be on their last semester. Since about the middle of summer I have really found that the senioritises really dose kick in. I had so many plans that I wanted to do for my last summer before for my life is to change for ever. I can't say that I didn't do anythintg that wasbon that list but I didn't even get to check off even half of them, only about four of them. I'm not trying to say that I fine have a fun summer and that I regret it, because I don't that's not the case at all. Its just that through everything that can and went this summer I learned that what you want and what is for the best are completely different. Not that I didn't know this already but I really found out what people ment by when they told me when they would tell me not to wish time away and to grow up to fast. This is diffentally the one thing that I now realize I did to much whe  I was little. Now I catch myself saying that I want the time to stand still and even go back in time to when I was little. I know I will never regret anything in life because I know that everything has happened to make me a stronger and smarter person and it happened for a reason. But I know that I will never again wish for time to go faster or to just get over with. Always look at what's going on and know that whatever is going on is happening to make you a better person all in all.

Why Do I?

In the last few months I have been in school and working quite a lot to keep me busy. But there was always the little bit of down time that I never really knew what to do. Well dealing with my ex boyfriend was about the only thing that seemed to take up my free time. After talking for a few months my ex and me decided to try again. At first everything seemed to be going fine and we were just getting over that awkward stage after not being together for a few months. All seemed to be heading in a good direction with the both of us, and then that all seemed to end. He started talking about his friends and what they were up to in our time away from each other,and well that didn't really bother me. Well that was until he started talking about what he and some of his female friends were doing during this time. Granted I already knew what he had all done while we were separated and as much as I said it didn't bother me it kept digging a huge hole in my heart. My only answer to this was because when we broke up and started to talk again he told me that he would wait for me to come back because he knew that I would and to that point I guess he was right. Anyway back to the story, every time he brought up one of his female friends it was always the ones that I knew what all happened between them. So many times I told him that I was willing to listen to his stories but to keep it as him and his friend and not to specify what friend but he never seem to understand that. So with the stories that continued to be told the more awkward thinks started to become and I told him that if it was going to work out this time he would have to stop bring up the things like this. His answer to this was that these were the things that would bring us closer together. As much as I wanted to believe him I just couldn't and decided that I knew that things would not change and I had been asked by many why I was dealing with the crap that he was putting me through, and as much as I tried to give them a true answer was that I still loved him. Well after listening to my heart and some of my close friends and well of course my mom I decided to talk to him and tell him that things were not going to work out and well he took it just like he did the first time. But this I mean he tried to guilt me into not leaving, told me I was wrong and that I should have just stayed away instead of ripping his heart out again. And me being me I almost believed him and didn't brake up with him again. But I knew that it was what I needed to do even though I knew that I still loved him. At first after the brake up we didn't talk for a while and then we started to talk again, and things seemed to be going okay but that didn't last long. He's back to telling me things that I don't want to know about what he is doing and every time I try to stop talking to him it never seems to work. As much as I know that I will always love him no matter what happens and on the inside I will always care what happens to him I know that the best thing for me to do for myself is to let him go and stop worrying about what trouble he is getting himself into. There are so many days that I find myself telling myself what my mom keeps telling me. "You can love someone with all your heart but that does not mean that you can live with them." So for the past few weeks I have been trying to follow this and some days its easier then others but I know that the only way to deal with this problem of mine is to let him go and just know that in my heart I will always love him no matter where he ends up.