I never thought that my life would be headed down the path that it is today. Its not that I thought that everything would change. I knew that it would. Its the inevitable. What I never thought was that it was going to all seem to fall apart right in front of me in the short time that it did. I went from having a happy marriage to having a marriage that was falling to a million little pieces. While still waiting for paperwork to be processed things started to become tougher and tougher. I was being accused of wasting time and not filing the paperwork that needed to be filed. The fights were not just of that but of many other things. I was doing to much with working two jobs and going to school. He wanted me just to go to school and focus on just that. That would have been fine if that was the only thing that I had going on in life at the time and did not have any other bills. Or if he would have been here to help financially.
That was another thing that I did not understand is that as much as he was always telling me that he did not want me to work he would never send me anything to help me to not have to work as much. It was not even money I had sent him things for important dates throughout the year. And the fact that I never got anything for a year and a half for anything. It had even got to the point that I had to be the one to start talking to him every morning or night or anytime that I wanted to talk or just to make sure that he was having a good day. I never seemed to hear from him first. This was something that I just could not live with, because as much as I knew and wanted things to change I knew that habits like that do not just show up out of no were.
As much as I did not want to know if things between the two of us were changing I knew that they were. Not only with who would talk to who first but when we could talk suddenly started to change I could not just pick up the phone and call him. It got to the point that I always had to send him a message first to make sure that I could call. When I did not it would upset him to the point of him answering the phone, telling me that he would call me back and he would normally say after an hour or so and I would not hear anything. During the time that I was waiting I would often fall asleep for the night because lets face it working two jobs and school full time was exhausting. Or it would be in the morning and it would be time for me to leave for work or school, and I was always the bad guy for not being up or free when he was finally free to talk.
It got to the point that I stopped trying to call because I got tired of not being able to talk anyways. But again I was deemed the bad guy. Things just kept falling into a million little pieces and I could not seem to keep up with keeping them all close, let alone to put all the pieces back together to make the happy picture that it once made. This again made me the even worse person. How could a wife not want to talk to her husband. How could I just be giving up. So many questions were asked and blamed me for everything that had started to pull us apart. It had even reached the point that he did not want me to spend as much time with his family here, even though I was a nanny for them for almost three years at that time. How was I supposed to be able to just walk away from seeing the baby and what had become a second family.
When it got to the point that nothing that I did was right I knew that things would never get back to the same place they were to start with no matter how hard we tried even if he were to get here. It was to the point that even his family here started to get more and more distant, this was a huge warning sign to me, that things were trying to be hid because it got back to the point that the only important part was the paperwork and getting that done and finding out why it was taking so long. Everything that i had already did. This made me realize that things were being hid from me. When the real truth of why we got married came out from his side it was like a knife cut my heart out. We had agreed that before we got married that it was not just for that but for love. I never knew that losing everything that I wanted so bad to work out would hurt so bad when I never truly got to hold it fully.
But being lied to for what I was in for the love I had for this man was something that I could not live with. I had to call it quits for myself I knew it was not fair for me to be in it with my whole heart and not have the same love in return.
In a matter of months we went from the happily married couple to the couple that was going through a divorce.
I never thought that I would be 20 years old and have all the plans that I had for a family fall apart as fast as they did. I never thought I would be divorced within two years of getting married. I can say that I am glad that it happened before we were settled or before he got here and the truth never would have came out. So as bad as it was I am glad it happened if anything I know that I learned so much more than I ever thought I would know at the age of 20.
~Not every puzzle is meant to be finished and kept together forever some are together just long enough to see the picture to know what is being lost.~
That was another thing that I did not understand is that as much as he was always telling me that he did not want me to work he would never send me anything to help me to not have to work as much. It was not even money I had sent him things for important dates throughout the year. And the fact that I never got anything for a year and a half for anything. It had even got to the point that I had to be the one to start talking to him every morning or night or anytime that I wanted to talk or just to make sure that he was having a good day. I never seemed to hear from him first. This was something that I just could not live with, because as much as I knew and wanted things to change I knew that habits like that do not just show up out of no were.
As much as I did not want to know if things between the two of us were changing I knew that they were. Not only with who would talk to who first but when we could talk suddenly started to change I could not just pick up the phone and call him. It got to the point that I always had to send him a message first to make sure that I could call. When I did not it would upset him to the point of him answering the phone, telling me that he would call me back and he would normally say after an hour or so and I would not hear anything. During the time that I was waiting I would often fall asleep for the night because lets face it working two jobs and school full time was exhausting. Or it would be in the morning and it would be time for me to leave for work or school, and I was always the bad guy for not being up or free when he was finally free to talk.
It got to the point that I stopped trying to call because I got tired of not being able to talk anyways. But again I was deemed the bad guy. Things just kept falling into a million little pieces and I could not seem to keep up with keeping them all close, let alone to put all the pieces back together to make the happy picture that it once made. This again made me the even worse person. How could a wife not want to talk to her husband. How could I just be giving up. So many questions were asked and blamed me for everything that had started to pull us apart. It had even reached the point that he did not want me to spend as much time with his family here, even though I was a nanny for them for almost three years at that time. How was I supposed to be able to just walk away from seeing the baby and what had become a second family.
When it got to the point that nothing that I did was right I knew that things would never get back to the same place they were to start with no matter how hard we tried even if he were to get here. It was to the point that even his family here started to get more and more distant, this was a huge warning sign to me, that things were trying to be hid because it got back to the point that the only important part was the paperwork and getting that done and finding out why it was taking so long. Everything that i had already did. This made me realize that things were being hid from me. When the real truth of why we got married came out from his side it was like a knife cut my heart out. We had agreed that before we got married that it was not just for that but for love. I never knew that losing everything that I wanted so bad to work out would hurt so bad when I never truly got to hold it fully.
But being lied to for what I was in for the love I had for this man was something that I could not live with. I had to call it quits for myself I knew it was not fair for me to be in it with my whole heart and not have the same love in return.
In a matter of months we went from the happily married couple to the couple that was going through a divorce.
I never thought that I would be 20 years old and have all the plans that I had for a family fall apart as fast as they did. I never thought I would be divorced within two years of getting married. I can say that I am glad that it happened before we were settled or before he got here and the truth never would have came out. So as bad as it was I am glad it happened if anything I know that I learned so much more than I ever thought I would know at the age of 20.
~Not every puzzle is meant to be finished and kept together forever some are together just long enough to see the picture to know what is being lost.~
