Will You Ever Understand?

Why is it that every time you seem to know what you want there is always someone right there to tell you that you don't know what you want and you are just straight up wrong. For me this always seems to happen and no matter what I tell this person they seem to just not know how to listen. I can say one thing and it is like they just don't seem to hear it because it is not what they want to hear.

Having tried just about everything nothing seems to have worked. I understand that is hard to let go of someone that you have loved but there comes a point when you have to let them free to live their life. I know it is not easy for I also had to go through this but I made it. Now don't get me wrong I am not trying to say that it is by any means easy, and that the feeling of just wanting to tell them they have no idea what they are doing and what they are doing is wrong. But you have to cut the rope sometime and let people find where their life is going on their own even if that means that you are not part of it anymore.

Don't get me wrong I am not saying it is okay to go out and just use people by any means. What I am trying to say is that before committing to anyone know that you are willing to give that relationship everything, but also know that if for some reason things just don't work out no matter the feelings you have, had, or know will never go away, you are willing to let that other person go and have the chance to make their into what they want it to be.

First hand I know that there are always feeling that you just can't seem to get rid of no matter how hard you try, and maybe they are meant to be there for a reason even if you do not know them now, someday everything will seem to fall into place.

As for me right now I am still trying to get him to understand that what we had is just that, and I am at the point in my life that I am ready to see where life is going to take me and who is going to be brought into my life and who is not going to stick around.

Not This Year...

As spring time keeps getting closer I am reminded that this is the spring that I will not be playing my senior year of softball. Through all of this I can say the only thing about this that makes me happy is knowing that I am done with school and start moving on in life. This is a wonderful thing yes, but I know that it would never compare to that of a Senior year softball season.

The last three seasons were great, between the memories, the losses and even a win every now and again. Much time was spent in the gym and on the field, with the girls that made up the team. Through those three years we all became like a family. Although every year the family would change a little, we always had a few rough patches but we always knew come game time we were all there for the same thing. The love that all of us had for that one special game, Softball.

I know I am not part of the team this year but there is nothing that I will miss more than this precious time that I so wish I could be out on that field. I hope that the girls this year put in their all like always and show its about the love of the sport not just about winning. I do hope that maybe this season will be a little better than the last few.

~There will always be that one thing no matter how old you become that will always have a special place in your heart no matter where your life takes you and how long its been~

Going Out With A Bang

Thoughout life I have always been the one who never liked following directions, or doing the same thing as others. I always wanted to be different, stand out from the crowd. During my highschool years and now.

During my freshman year, I knew that I wanted to make a stand to be remembered after I left. I was not sure how I was going to do this, or even if my hopes where to high. The biggest challange that I faced was the fack that I did not know anyone since I had just changed schools. Still I was determaned to not let this stop me.

As freshman year can to an end I had started to grow closer to some of the girls in my class and a few others. By the time Sophmore year began many of us became very close. The more and more time passed the closer we all became. Through the fights, fun, and countless memories that had been already made we all knew that we would be one group that would be going out with a bang.

Sophmore year seemed to fly by and the next thing we all knew it was Junior year. More memories where made and more fights where fought. But through it all we knew who we could count on and trust in the end. Through these three years I had some of the best times of my life and I would not change a thing about it.

Although I did not spend my Senior year with these girls I know that we still have a bond that has not changed. I know that those that I did spend my Senior year with good memories were made also and friendships were made stronger and new ones were also made.

I am still going through life with the plan of being someone people will always remember. I am now just trying to find a way that works through it all, but I know that I will find a way one of these days.

Trust But Always Be Careful

There comes a moment in time where you reality truly sets in and you accept the fact that those whom you thought would always be in your life are no longer there, or not as often. When I first started to accept this It was one of the hardest things I had done. I did not want to admit that when I was making friends I had not found people that would stick by my side through thick and thin. I did not want to admit that I had let my guard down and did notice until it was to late.

As time passed I started to accept things more and started to see these things as a learning lesson and to help me through the rest of my life when it comes to deciding who I am willing to let in. I have learned that although someone seems to be nice and caring, and see as if they want to see you happy that is not always the truth. Now I am not saying that everyone is like this or that this is everyone's deep dark plan. What I am really saying is that before you put our self out there for others do it carefully and don't give others the ability to knock you down and ruin you before you truly see who they are as a person.

Things Never Stay the Same

As more and more time passes I am left with the realization that no matter what I do to try and keep things the same to do that is out of my reach and control. No matter how hard one tries you keeping things from changing is not realistic.

Though out my life I have always been trying to keep everything from changing. My friends, family, jobs, my opinion, decisions, anything. I have always known in the back of my mind that these were not things that I could control by any means. By the time that I have accepted the fact that not everything was in my hands and that I had to just take things day by day is when my life started to become more and more easier.

Don't get me wrong I still have my days that I seem to forget this but I always seem to find something or some one that brings me back to reality.

I know this is not the best or even something that you may care about or want to hear but this is something that I feel that maybe by putting it out there for others that I may be able to help maybe even just one person realize this too, and maybe it will help to make their lives a little less stressful also.