When Everything Changes

The last four years have been what some would say as a life changing time, between figuring out who I am as a person, where I want to go in my life, and how I was going to accomplish my goals. Within the last four years the things that I thought would never change did, all changed for the best but at the time if you would have asked me I would have said the complete opposite.

One of the biggest and most influential changes that happened was the very first day of what was then the next four years of my life. I walked in not knowing a soul, nor wanting to be there. As time passed I started to accept this was one change I could not keep from happening. As time just seemed to just fly by with no control of how fast or slow, memories where made and some are the best that I have. Some I wish I could change but I know that the lessons that I learned where ones that I needed to learn. From new friends, to a new school, to new teams, to trying everything that I could be part of.

Through all of these new chances, at the time, I learned that for the things that I can not change, there is always a different way to approach any situation. Looking back at the last four years I have learned that regretting things is just a waste of time, and of a good lesson that can be learned. Don't get me wrong there was a point where I did regret things that had or were happening. But looking back now I don't regret them, I see them as the lessons that God wanted me to learn and knew I need at the time and that was the one way he knew that I could not miss them.

So from all this yes, there was a point that I hated high school, when I just couldn't wait to be done, to just be given the chance to get out of this place. Yes there are still days that I feel this way but I know they will pass and where ever I end up is right were God wants me to be.

Long Time Gone

Over the last year a lot of things have for me have changed. My school, my friends, my job, my ambitions, the plan on how to reach my goals and dreams. With in the last year I have accomplished many things that I knew I would sooner or later accomplish, but many where a lot sooner than I expected.

1. Apply for semester graduation
2. Complete summer class
3. Change schools
4. Make new friends
5. Take school seriously
6. Pass all classes
7. Graduate early

From these seven things I am able to cross off each one knowing that I put my full effort into completing them with everything that I had. To some these things may not seem like much but to me they were everything.

Looking back I would have never thought I would be where I am today. I have learned who I truly am, who my true friends are, what my future holds, and what is to come next for me. I have found that those who I thought were the most important to me, where, but some I found that what I thought we had meant nothing. I also learned who I truly was and what was truly important to me and what I wanted to be known for standing for. Although many things from the past year I wish I could change, but I know that they happened the way they did for a reason. Some of those reasons I have learned to accept and others I accept but still wish I could change but I know if they changed everything else would most likely change too.

Although I have learned and changed a lot I know it has been for the best and helped me learn what I am meant to do with my life and where my life will be taking me in the next few years.

Time Flies

With in the last few months I have realized that by the time I get done with school in January, my life is really going to start. By this I mean that I will be in college while the rest of the people that I went to high school withbwill be on their last semester. Since about the middle of summer I have really found that the senioritises really dose kick in. I had so many plans that I wanted to do for my last summer before for my life is to change for ever. I can't say that I didn't do anythintg that wasbon that list but I didn't even get to check off even half of them, only about four of them. I'm not trying to say that I fine have a fun summer and that I regret it, because I don't that's not the case at all. Its just that through everything that can and went this summer I learned that what you want and what is for the best are completely different. Not that I didn't know this already but I really found out what people ment by when they told me when they would tell me not to wish time away and to grow up to fast. This is diffentally the one thing that I now realize I did to much whe  I was little. Now I catch myself saying that I want the time to stand still and even go back in time to when I was little. I know I will never regret anything in life because I know that everything has happened to make me a stronger and smarter person and it happened for a reason. But I know that I will never again wish for time to go faster or to just get over with. Always look at what's going on and know that whatever is going on is happening to make you a better person all in all.

Why Do I?

In the last few months I have been in school and working quite a lot to keep me busy. But there was always the little bit of down time that I never really knew what to do. Well dealing with my ex boyfriend was about the only thing that seemed to take up my free time. After talking for a few months my ex and me decided to try again. At first everything seemed to be going fine and we were just getting over that awkward stage after not being together for a few months. All seemed to be heading in a good direction with the both of us, and then that all seemed to end. He started talking about his friends and what they were up to in our time away from each other,and well that didn't really bother me. Well that was until he started talking about what he and some of his female friends were doing during this time. Granted I already knew what he had all done while we were separated and as much as I said it didn't bother me it kept digging a huge hole in my heart. My only answer to this was because when we broke up and started to talk again he told me that he would wait for me to come back because he knew that I would and to that point I guess he was right. Anyway back to the story, every time he brought up one of his female friends it was always the ones that I knew what all happened between them. So many times I told him that I was willing to listen to his stories but to keep it as him and his friend and not to specify what friend but he never seem to understand that. So with the stories that continued to be told the more awkward thinks started to become and I told him that if it was going to work out this time he would have to stop bring up the things like this. His answer to this was that these were the things that would bring us closer together. As much as I wanted to believe him I just couldn't and decided that I knew that things would not change and I had been asked by many why I was dealing with the crap that he was putting me through, and as much as I tried to give them a true answer was that I still loved him. Well after listening to my heart and some of my close friends and well of course my mom I decided to talk to him and tell him that things were not going to work out and well he took it just like he did the first time. But this I mean he tried to guilt me into not leaving, told me I was wrong and that I should have just stayed away instead of ripping his heart out again. And me being me I almost believed him and didn't brake up with him again. But I knew that it was what I needed to do even though I knew that I still loved him. At first after the brake up we didn't talk for a while and then we started to talk again, and things seemed to be going okay but that didn't last long. He's back to telling me things that I don't want to know about what he is doing and every time I try to stop talking to him it never seems to work. As much as I know that I will always love him no matter what happens and on the inside I will always care what happens to him I know that the best thing for me to do for myself is to let him go and stop worrying about what trouble he is getting himself into. There are so many days that I find myself telling myself what my mom keeps telling me. "You can love someone with all your heart but that does not mean that you can live with them." So for the past few weeks I have been trying to follow this and some days its easier then others but I know that the only way to deal with this problem of mine is to let him go and just know that in my heart I will always love him no matter where he ends up.

Where Is The White

So for the past few days it has been extremly cold out side here in Green Bay. The Fox river that is never frozen tell a few weeks after it snows is already well on its way. The only thing that isn't well on its way is the number of inches of snow that we have gotten. It is only a few weeks away from Christmas and we still don't even have a start. By this time every year we are normally well on our way to a very merry white Christmas. But this year it seems that all might change. Deer huting season has come and gone and all hunters around here pray and beg for snow and that is usually when on the last weekend that we get hit hard with snow. I hate shoveling but at this point in mid December in just ready for it. There are many things that I do in the winter time but due to this tragic weather this year I am unable to complete. The other main problem with the season being more and more late is that it means that it will last even longer in the spring and that means that like last year our softball team will be shoveling the feild to try to be able to start our season. This is going to be one very long and dreaded spring. So as ypu get done reading this if you are some where that has snow and are willing to share we will be more than happy to take just a few inches off your hands.